OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize