He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
