dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
