All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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