My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
