Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
