He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
