my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
