You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
