Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize