Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
