the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
