just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This is classic penis vs brain.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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