Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
