I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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