im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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