I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize