I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The feeling are messing with the penis
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
