1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
