dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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