Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
