jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
