I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
