I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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