Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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