We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
