I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is wine microwaveable?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
