I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
