We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
