Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
