piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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