If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize