btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
