How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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