i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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