You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
