Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
