dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
