I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
