Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
