note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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