I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
