Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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