took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
