I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
