Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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