Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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