omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
