i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
