I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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