im drinking this country out of the recession.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
