Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
