so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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