You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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