im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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