guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
