it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
