She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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