9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
