I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
