reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
