why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
