Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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