They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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