chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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