the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
