She's JV to your varsity
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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