i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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