Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
