so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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